Friday, 20 February 2009
Goooooood Evening Vietnaaaaaaaaam!
Anyway, after a lull in available technology that allows us to connect with the 21st Century, i am now out of villages covered in dust and chicken, and now in the prosperous and highly communist counntry of Vietnam. Thats right, COMMUNIST. Upon entry, i was advised i should never write either 'Journalist' or 'Writer' for my profession when entering any asian country. They no likee the writers apparently. Well, to be honest, if i put either down it would have been a lie anyway HAHHAHAHAHAAHahhhhaaa...*sob* Anyway, just as a warning, if this blog suddnely starts sounding strange with my normal writing style turning to a more serious and un-cragg like tone, for example...
'Well, today i was walking along and a big poo came out...SORRY, MY ENGLISH COMPANSIONSHIPS, I AM LONGER NO ALLOWED TO SPEAK OF MY JOURNEY. PLEASE BE FOND OF MY MEMORY AND AWAIT MY RETURN WITH NO QUESTIONS. YES I AM GOOD AND THERE ARE NO JAIL AND ONLY SMILES. THANK YOU AND HELLO.'
You will then know it is time to send over the troops. Anyway, on with the normal twitterings...
So, last time we spoke we were in the lovely little town of Viang Vieng. My GOD what a strange little place that was. Laos, in general has been lovely. Like Thailand, the people are beautiful and so friendly you wanna hug them and put them in your pocket then lock them in a glass box and shake it to make them say nice things to you everymorning. The country was, howevere, a lot less developed than Thailand, which makes sense i guess, coz really, who's ever heard of Laos? Anyone? Dust? Most people on the trip are so unaware of it that they keep calling it 'Lay-ose' to the locals horror. Anyway, after the wonder that was Luang Prabang, a charming little town full of crap internet places but wonderful shops and food places (We found somewhere that sells sandwiches. SANDWICHES AND QUICHE! My god i lost control and killed about two people fighting my way to the quiche) we made our way via a hugely gigantically bumby and terrifying bus journey up several mountains to the town of Viang Vieng. Very small, and very dusty with chickens cats and dogs running everywhere, this was a place designed for backpackers. Restaurants only sold pizza, burgers and pasta, long gone were the sights of leaves and rice. All the restuarnts oddly enough had giant TVs that only ever showed Friends and Simpsons episodes which was wonderful and scary at the same time. Dozens of glazed-eyed westerners would sit in these places, staring open mouthed, never talking. Im sure we saw the same ones in there for days. Anyway, after spending a day floating down a river on a tubing related bar crawl, i now understand these glazed, dead eyes. I havent been so drunk, and in so much danger in quite a many years.
Let me explain the premise - Walk to the rental shop, sign an agreement that basically says your death is your own fault, grab a HUGE rubber tube (inside of a tractor wheel by the loosk of things) then jump in a tuk tuk where it will take you and your pals to the top of the river, upon which you enter a bar, drink till you blind, then float down the river and repeat at each following 5 bars until you reach the final one floating face down, bloated with beer, scorched by the sun and naked in the urine soaked river.
Sounds good huh? I make it sound a lot worse than it is as you can imagine, but this is basically the jist. The unfortunate/amazing addition to this strange outing, is the fact that at each of the 6 bars, there is either a water slide made of bathroom tiles and old toothbrushes, and zip lines that let you jump from a platform into the incredibly shallow depths of the river. On the day we went, two people cracked their skulls open, one person broke their foot and countless others cut and hurt themselves. Including us. its amazing really, the first zip line, we avoided, because as we estimated, upon entering the river, it was as deep as puddle. i floated down stream, scowering my body on the river bed. It was not a deep river. however, after our second BUCKET of Gin & Tonic (at 12.45 in the noon might i add) none of us really cared about shallow water, toothbrush slides etc. We just wanted to have fun! But, we aren;t idiots, so even though we were still stupidly drunk, we avoided the certain death slides and had tremendous fun! The day basically consisted of, being very drunk, jumping into the river with tremendous speed and force made easier by the alchohol, floating down the river and losing BOTH flip flops as they do not make good paddles, arriving at the next bar and immediatly being handed a shot of Laos whickey (brewed with snakes. Oh yes, check out the flickr photos in the next couple of days) and then jumping into the river some more. By the time we reached the 4th bar, it was 2.45 and i was so drunk i could see through time. I lay, beached on the decking with a bucket on my head. Jo on the other hand, held it together tremendously well and managed to continue to act like a human being. I sadly, did not. After what seemed like a blurry eternity of scorching heat and crap euro pop music, we ended up at the final bar. And there, stood, teetering above the shack opf a bar, stood the uber slide. The UBER slide made from really posh bathroom tiles! I decide its great, the best and most fun thing i have EVA seen and instantly jump off my tube and run to the top and get on it squeeling like a pig girl. It wasnt until i was zooming down it at terminal velocity, that i realised several things.
1. Its very, very, high.
2. Its incomplete and finished mid air with a jaunty ramp.
3. im so drunk im going down it backwards.
4. Oh god im falling.
It was so high! I shot into the water with such a look of fear/adrenaline/joy on my drunken face, that the water smashed my mouth shut chipping both my front teeth. Luckily, no one can see the chips, i can just feel them and its very annoying for my nosey tongue. It wasnt until i spent the next hour climbing out of the water (I swam in circles, spluttering, gasping, grabbing other slide victims as bouyancy aids till i reached the shoreline) that someone utterd the follwoing words to me that sealed the fact i shall not ride the slide of doom again.
"Did you hear? Someone had their nipples ripped off on that the other day?"
so, nipples in tact, we decided to end our day of drunken, wet horror at about 6 and headed downstream to the drop off point to return home. I arrived back at our quaint little hotel soacked, bruised, bleeding, shoeless and full of joy. It wasnt until the next morning at 10 am that i realised i was in fact drunk the entire night when we witnessed the aftermath of the mess we had made in our room. So, that was Vieng Viang in Laos, highly reccommended for the insane.
After recovering from a 48 hour long hangover, we made our way to Laos capitol city, Vientianne. Incredibly boring, dull and dusty, there actually isnt much to say about this place as the rest of Laos has proven to be way more superior. Except this place DID have a swimming pool. And my GOD it was lovely. Oh, and sadly, this also happened to be the location that i finally succumbed to the Deli Belly. After a giuant meal of spring rolls, noodles, pizza and weird curried bread, we returned to the hotel for a chat, only for myself to suddenly feel like i ahd an alien in my stomach. Within a matter of seconds, i went from chatty, cheerful, British fellow to running, sweating, panting man beast barging his way to the nearest toilet. After spending an hour on the loo groaning and twitching like a woman in labour, i finally got over the worst and headed straight to bed. When i awoke, immodium had done its job and i felt fine. Spent the day chilling before our flight to my current location where i sit now, Hanoi, Vietnam. Seems nice so far. Nice and cool, with lots of fun things to do. Just spent the evening eating a meal of fish, noodles, strange salad and peanut sauce stuff. SO GOOD. they cooked it all on the table for us then put it all together and literally placed it in our mouths. So i havnt been complaining.
Anyway, after what is probably the LONGEST post ever, i'm off to bed. Flickr has been vainly trying to upload some new photos, so expect them appearing over the next couple of days. Every now and again, we'll make a couple of posts that don't fit chronologically with these big ones, but they will have a pic attached and a little story for the stuff neither of us have remembered to write about.
Two countries down, nine more to go.
Night night.xx
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Food glorious food!
After several nights of eating Street Huice flavoured delights, we FINALLY found our sanctuary, this yummy little restaurant on the river. We were so pleased with the nosh we had to take a photograph to commemorate the occasion.
Sadly on another note, ever since we have been in Asia, the results of our eating habits is playing havoc with us. IM a pretty regular guy, but at the moment, im averaging about 6 poos a day. It aint right i tell ya. They're all so unsubstantial as well which just makes it even sadder.
Carbs, where for art thou?
Bhudda Bling
We took a trip to the Standing Bhudda in Bangkok via a lovely Tuk Tuk driver. He was so nice. We were introduced to him by an off duty policeman who was telling us how it was a religious day in Thailand, and the king was in town, so we MUST take a tuk tuk round all the Bhuddist temples. He suggested a 'special' Tuk Tuk with two yellow flags that would ride us everywhere we wanted to go for only 20 Barts. But alas, these Tuk Tuks are hard to come by. Just as we were wallowing in the saddness of never finding one of these Tuk Tuks, suddenly one appears right next to us! Amazing! The nice policeman takes us over, introduces us and insists the driver take us around all the temples for 20 barts. What a deal. And what a nice man. SO, off we trundle, first to here, the Standing Bhudda where we see the Bhuddists offering donations to the big gold guy via throwing pennies in these metal pots. Awesome sound. Then we beging our next journey with our faithful Tuk Tuk driver. Not, as we thought around all the Temples in Bangkok, but instead, around gem factories and dopzens of tailors shops. Cut what is now a long story shorter, he tells us he will not take us anywhere other than tailors shops until we buy something so he gets commision. I tell him to take us home. He drops us at the docks no where near where we live. For 150 barts. The man was a bastard. And so was our policeman.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Lost in Laos
Anyway, Lots of fun things have happened since the last post. We left Thailand at last, after spending some time in Chang Mai, which was awesome and relaxing, we headed over the boarder into Laos. We stayed in a little place called Chang kong for one night, where we slept by the Mekong in a nice guest house. I treated myself to a foot massage by a scary thai lady shouting "LA LAY LAAAAR" whilst rubbing my foot with such force i think my bones have distintegrated. However, it did feel bloody lovely afterwards. Anyway, crossed the river the next morning, then begun our two day sailing trip down the Mekong River. This is exactly what i think we all needed. The trip with our group ahs been awesome so far, havnt had to worry about a thing, but it has been very busy. 6.30 am starts (Thats earlier than i ever got up last year!) and late nights have taken their toll, plus the immense heat, it was great to spend two days, floating down a river past beautiful scenery to chill out. And it all gave us a lot more time to get to know eachother too which was good. Half way through our first day, we stopped off at this little village in the middle of no where. It was gobsmacking. Im talking mud huts, cows and chickens. Not a TV or lightbulb in sight. Was bonkers! At one point the children swarmed around us, i felt like Ghandi.
After we finished our boat trip, we headed to Luang Prabang for 3 days, and it was AMAZING! Lovely guest house with crazy monks screaming all day and night in the temple opposite, it was a bit more developed here, with coffee shops, selling things like BREAD. OH GOD it was good to eat bread. Jo and I went on a little bike ride round the town for the day which was awesome. Until it got to about 2 in the afternoon and i was sweating so much i think i nearly combusted, so we stopped and got some food. Had a big night out the other night too with our group, aweosme bunch of people these Losty folks. Altho, the next morning was like Mordor. Hangover + Heat = DOOM. But, the perfect cure for that was a jump in a waterfall. My god it was lovely. In the middle of the rain forest we took a trek to this perfect blue waterfall and had an awesome time there. After our last night in LUang yesterday, im now here, where i am right now, in Viang Vieng. A little Backpackers town by a lovely river. Tomorrow calls for Rubber tubing up the river for a bar crawl and lots of swimming. Can;t wait :)
Anyway, in the future, blogs will hopefully be more fun and more frequent as we have the photos sorted now. But i must go, as my balance for using this machine currently stands at 60,000 kip. I have no idea how much that is but it sounds alot.
Cheerio!
(Oh and photos on Facebook are up, expect the rest on Flickr anyday now)
xxx
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Bangkok-a-bye-bye
Yesterday afternoon we boarded our sleeper train from Bangkok, and headed on our 13 hours journey to Northern Thailand which is where i am writing from now. Chang Mai to be exact. Its GREAT. Waaaaaay more laid back, lovely people, nice and cool yet still lovely and the city is so much nicer. Found a street FULL of lady boys and 13 year old girls doing naughty things tonight, but apart from that, its Bhuddist Central. So many temples EVERYWHERE. Theyre all so beautiful. If this computer was playing up so much, i would upload my SQUILLION photos of gold bhudda statues that i have been taking with my new lens (it makes me look like a great photographer ^_^ ) Oh yeah, Sleeper train. It was good! Cozy, fun and pretty easy to sleep on. We ate our dinner, then at about 10, down came the bunk beds and we all jumped in. Everyone was asleep straight away, i decided to stay up and write my journal. Bad idea. A cockraoch visited me by climbing up a seat belt next to my head. So i disposed of him as far as possible (Flicked him onto someone elses bed down the corridor), then what do you know it, ten minutes later, an even BIGGER one appear next to my pillow. So, i scrunch him and up chuck him away, pop a couple of vallium then fall asleep praying im too out of it to even notice them crawling up my nose. And it worked! Woke up bright and bushy taioled for our adventure that Jo spoke about previously. GREAT GREAT fun riding the elephants. Obviously, it was a bit cruel, but our guy was mental, spraying us with his snot hose everytime he didnt get a bannana, and smashing through the trees like a rhino on speed. He was honestly the Elephant from the Simpsons, Stampy. After that, we had our great rafting adventure. Awesome fun. Zooming down a river, going through rapids whilst trying to stay afloat a bunch of bamboo trunks held together with string! We didnt even have a life jacket! ONce my mass got fully loaded onto the boat, it wasnt long before i snapped a string making it much harder for everyone to stay afloat. Brilliant fun though. When Jo got qiped out by a fallen tree, i felt sorry for her for about a minute, then it was just too funny watching her zoom down the rapids behind her. I pulled her to safety though so she was ok ^_^. Finally, ended the day (After showing 24 hours of filth and elephant snot from ourselves) by visiting a temple up on a mountain and watched some monks chant. It was beautiful. Just amazing. I'll let the photo's speak for themselves when i can upload them. Same goes for the Reclining Bhudda in Bangkok, probably the most awesome thing i have set my eyes on in a very long time.
Anyway, better go, this is gonna cost me a squillion bucks the amount of time ive been on here. Off to Laos tomorrow, bye bye Thailand! Iinternet could be a mission so will update when we can. Cheerio!xx
Chang Mei
Today we went on an elephant ride which was great fun. Chris and I shared an elephant whose driver(?!) was hugely stoned which explained why our elephant kept walking off the tracks and tearing up anything in its sight with its trunk. We fed it bananas along the way which started out as a pleasant experience until we ran out of bananas and this huge trunk would suddenly become our view and blast elephant breath, snot and god knows what else! Think jurassic park!
Next we went on a bamboo raft down a river which was so so relaxing. I decided to stand up the whole way which was a big mistake as being at the back of the raft I took the brunt of every rock we hit. I kept my balance most the way until I heard Chris shout 'Oh God!' and before I knew it we were headed for the foliage on the bank where there was the hugest tree branch in front of me. I tried to be a jungle Jane and jump over it but realised that this was highly unlikely so instead got smacked by this log right into the water. Totally lost my sunglasses and as I started to look for them it dawned on me that I was stuck in the river while the raft was moving further away!! I grabbed a big boulder and clung on for dear life watching everyone laughing at me. I tried to stand up but the current was so strong it was impossible so I had to let go and I was swept down the river smashing my knees and bum on the rocks until I got back to the raft. It was really funny but now I have a huge bruise on my knee as well as hundreds of ant bites. I actually look like I have rabies!! By the end of the ride our raft was literally falling to pieces so it was really difficult to balance which, is when Chris took a slip! He did not fall in to the river but right on his back in the middle of the raft!!! So so funny!
All in all it has been a great relaxing day. Every bit of food I ate today was lovely and I have stopped taking my malaria tablets so was not sick. Yeah!! Tomorrow we leave ChangMei as we begin our adventure to Laos and I cant wait. We have to travel on a bus for 5 hours but after that we spend 2 days on a boat which sounds like a lot of fun. So for now its good bye to Thailand!! x
Sunday, 8 February 2009
On the move again...
Anyway, lovely lovely day yesterday. Made friends with two strange old men who had arrived in Bangkok. Nice guys. One was like Robert Downey Jr, still on the drugs tho. Spent the afternoon drinking with them, then we went for a boat ride around Bangkok, amazing. Altho we did think rape/murder was on the cards at some points as it was just me and jo in the boat, but its turned out awesome. AND best news, we FINALLY had an amazing meal! Beautiful little restaurant covered in fairy lights on the river that served us Thai food that DIDNT taste like any of the Street Juice. And loads of it was covered in satay sauce. Yum!
Anyway, today, if we can get over our depression, and the fact that we have just discovered Jo is not taking the Malaria tablets well (She was sick again today. Its not fun) we are going to visit the temple then meet with our group tonight for the beginning of our 2 week trek. More than ANYTHING we are praying our group are good fun. But by the way our luck has gone so far, they are more than likely to be foreign/sex tourists/idiotic morons/All of above. Oh well. Wish us luck!
xx