My kingdom for a Sandwich!

Hi, Chris again. Well, the mission for a new hotel failed tragically. But its pretty much entirely of our own doing. We decided, once Jo returned from the bed, that besides the fact we fell like we are in an episode of Porridge whenever we are in our room, its actually not that bad. Well, the room is dark, small, with a painted on window, but its clean, and the bed is fricking comfy and the cold shower/hose we use to wash ourselves with is strangely refreshing, so save trudging the dark streets of Bagkok, we are gonna stick around in the Sawadee Khao San. However, upon roaming the streets tonight, we stumbled across another hotel down the road next to a restuarant we went to (Indian place, their Korma is NOT how i remember it. Does Korma have tomoatoes and peas in?!) and this hotel, has a roof top swimming pool. And a blacnony in every roomm. And cable TV. And air con. And a fridge. And hot water. And no painted on windows. And is HALF THE FRICKING PRICE of our our place. This made us want to cry somewhat. However, on the sad walk home, mysel and Jo discussed the merits of our gaff, and how, ya know, it has character and has made our first visit to Bangkok a funny one. then we sat downstairs at the bar/shed next to the recpetion desk, grabbed a bottle of pepsi, then watched with saddness as two cockraoches fought over a piece of spit on the floor in front of us. And it wasnt until another of their little buddies clambered up my leg, (and i squeeled) that i started thinking, bollocks. We shant be staying here again. So, as lovely as our stay has been, its rooftop swimming pools should we ever come back to this godforesaken city.

Dont get me wrong, Bangkok is a strange and wonderful place certainly worth visiting of what we have seen so far. Every step you take, someone is in your face asking if you want TAXi or TUK TUK or my favourite, 'YOU WANT PING PONG? *POPPING SOUND*'. The best is when a middle aged sweating family from Bolton were walking in front of us, with their faces already stricken with horror and confusion, and one of these guys walks along with them backwards, facing them, then he says 'EY I TAKE YOU PING PONG YES?' then he lowers his hand to the mothers groin with a grabbing motion and makes popping sounds as though she herself is emitting the white balls of pleasure through her garments. They didnt find this funny. We did tho. The other thing about taking a stroll in Bangkok is the smells. Oh god. The smells. One step stinks of aromatherapy. The next is fried eggs. The next is PURE SEWAGE, and the final one, the worst one, is like, rotten eggs being baked over a dead sloth. Just the worst smell ever. (It pretty much beats my number one spot - a dried, black egg i found in a river when i was 12 that exploded on me emitting a foul smelling juice) Every day we walk through the markets, past the street food, it always invloves us taking a quick jog every couplke of steps with our faces turning blue as we try to avoid the foul smells. I mean some of the street food is good, but osme of it is oh so bad. Its almost like the stuff they eat in post=apocalyptic films, like rat and babies. Just yuk yuk yuk. The saddest response to these smells however, is the affect it has had one our taste buds. I dont think i ever have toi worry about gaining weight whilst im here. every meal we have been to, has tasted, ever so slightly of street juice (Our now official name for these tremendous fragrances) Its such a shame. I LOVE Thai food. Like last night for example - a pile of Butterlfy shrimp. Looks delicious. Coated in cocunut batter. But i eat it, and the smell emitting from these succulant morsels smell of Street Juice number 3 - Sugary urine. Its so sad. I had to leave them. Tonight we had a curry, and pretty much all the Street Juice flavours were there. I even had a poit of strawberrys at a market today, and there was even a slight whiff of it. I dont know what it is. maybe its the water? Or the oil they use, or the fat or quality of meat. But i gotta say. Im dying for a sandwich.

Anyway, enough of my moaning. Im sure at some point i was saying how great i thought Bangkok was? And its true, i do think its great. its a strange, flourescenbt city where everything is for sale and you are never short of a place to Party. Today we went to Chatachak (sp?) market, a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE weekend market for the locals, and it was fantastic. Not a Brit in sight. It was just the biggest thing ive ever seen. Like Camden Market, but hot and so much bigger with not a goth in sight. The clothes were amazing. So far, the clothes we had seen have been on Koah San Road, and consisted of t shirts saying things like "ME ARE YOU BEST GIRLFRIEND IN THE YEAR" and "I AM NOT VIRGIN, SEX IS GOOD" so when we saw the awesome clothes in this market, it was slightly cruel. Thai people have wicked dress sense. its like Japanese but a bit more suited and booted. Amazing shoes, lovely shorts, wicked shirts, skinny jeans etc. I was very jealous and sad becuase if i even attempted to dress in my usual attire over here, i would be nothing but a pool of fat and bones on the floor within minutes. I mean, they dont have a drop of sweat on them. Plus, we cant even buy it to take with us, becuase i have a feeling when we are in the middle of the jungle looking for some fire wood, a skinny tie, flannel shirt and black winkle pickers will be the first to go. Shame. Altho i did buy some things. Two t shirts for 3 quid?! Eeermazin! Anyway, tomorrow should be fun, chilling out and going for a wander round Chinatown, then off to the Temples on Sunday. Cant bloody wait.

Anyway, must go, i can smell Street Juice number 2 - Boiled fish.
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